“When I meet the right person, everything will be all right.”

Maybe you’re single and you’ve bought into that idea when looking for someone to date. Or maybe you’re married and you realize now that everything doesn’t just fall into place once you marry the “right” person.

Buying into what I call “the right person myth” creates trouble in your dating life and sets you up for problems in marriage. There is a better way.

The contrast is this: Instead of finding the right person, are you becoming the right person?

This question is huge. It’s not a cute little statement or phrase. It could actually be a game changer in terms of how you approach relationships.

Over the years I’ve talked to many, many couples—married couples, engaged couples, living-together couples, problem couples—and everyone in between. And here’s the thing: I’ve never talked to a married couple that had a marriage problem. What I’ve discovered is that people with problems get married, and then they have a troubled marriage. When you dig down, you realize, Oh, you don’t have a marriage problem, you have two single people problems that combined in a marriage.

The challenge is, nobody tells you that your single people problems go with you to the altar. Nobody tells you that chemistry is not enough to make a relationship work. Nobody tells you that instead of trying to magically meet the right person, you should try to become the right person. I’m telling you these things because I want your relationships to succeed.

No matter what season of life you are currently in, shifting your focus from finding the right person to becoming the right person will help you make better relational decisions and will leave you with fewer regrets in the future.

So, here’s the question: Are you becoming the right person, and are you willing to allow God to help you with that in this stage of your life?

It’s your move.